in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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