She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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