is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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