first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
