I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
