yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
