"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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