The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
