She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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