kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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