the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
