Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
