physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
