Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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