Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
