remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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