hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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