Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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