She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
