'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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