I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
