I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I looked at my own cervix.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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