According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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