how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This is my gift to your gina
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
