Whod you bang
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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