remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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