She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
