I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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