Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize