I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
