He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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