I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
