My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
