Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
