Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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