We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You took a bar mat shot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
