it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
