i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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