and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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