8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
