I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
