i jhust puked up my retainher.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
