a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
