Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
