I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
