you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We just shotgunned beers for America
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize