Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
