i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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