Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
