So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
