I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
