I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
