Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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