Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
