The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
