Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
