dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
