Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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