you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
