Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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