so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude. I can hear the air.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
