dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
