Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Porn is love you can see.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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