I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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