I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
