Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just forgot I was standing up.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
