I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize