Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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