i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
