I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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