the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
