when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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