Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
