As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she peed on how many people?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
