I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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