i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
