i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
two words...techno handjob
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
